Long ago, Kool-Aid did not have a mascot of any sort. The only major occurrence was the name shift, from Fruit Smack, to Kool-Aid, a move that was obviously intended to leech off humanities subconscious ties to the word and its one true bearer. This low level copying changed one day, when one artist plagiarized the single force of goodness this world has ever known for a new advertising campaign.

 

 

The smiling face upon a pitcher was introduced along with two other symbols, a dollars sign (promoting the pyramid scheme like ways of Kool-Aid stands), and a heart with an arrow through it. The beaming face of the Kool-Aid man struck true however, and immediately caught on. He was a hit! Soon after, he got a name.

Pitcher Man,

 

 

Over time, this slight resemblance to the REAL Kool-Aid Man grew bolder. With the real figure unwilling to step forward, the mascot quickly grew arms and legs, and eventually even got it's name changed to the Kool-Aid Man!

As if to put salt in the wounds, the mascot quickly took on the powers of the real Kool-Aid Man, invulnerability, which he used to break through walls. It should be noted however, THIS Kool-Aid man did not care about property damage through his careless actions. For shame Kraft Foods....

 

 

Over the years, he has gone through more changes, an attempt by Kraft to "update his image" as if that is even needed! His arms have grown more powerful, his face more slender. When will Kraft learn that the Kool-Aid man is a force to be reckoned with? Putting a Hawaiian print shirt on this false idol they have created will only serve to lower his opinion of our race.

 

 

I mean seriously people, if you had a hyper advance freaking ALIEN (Note; That is only my theory) in your midst, would you take his image and sell sausages with it? No! Then why do I see images like the one at the right?


May the Kool-Aid man have mercy on our souls...